I haven’t written much about my Graves’ disease journey lately and that’s mainly because nothing has really changed. I still feel like I’m harassing doctors to get answers and I’ve pretty much given up with my endocrinologist. I think he has officially abandoned me.
I’m mainly guessing at what my thyroid is doing based on the symptoms I’m suffering. And I’m stopping and starting my medication depending on that. and I can’t be doing a bad job as my last blood test was the first thyroid function test I’ve had since diagnosis where my TSH, T4 and T3 were all in range at the same time, although admittedly borderline hypothyroid (which shows that if I had continued taking them consistently then my thyroid function would currently be extremely underactive). I strongly advise against doing what I’m doing but I’ve got to a point where I don’t know what else to do.
As a whole I’m still gaining weight despite training and dieting. And I have a whole host of other symptoms that Dr’s have assumed are down to my Graves’ disease but as yet can’t really explain.
My breathing has been really bad this last month despite my lung function tests being normal, so it’s apparently unlikely due to my asthma. I’ve had a few tests and my chest is clear and other than some yeast overgrowth my sputum test was clear to. The GP gave me some medication to deal with the yeast overgrowth in case that was affecting my lungs but I’ve just finished those and as yet no improvement. The GP also prescribe my some gasti-resistant capsules incase some kind of reflux is causing the breathing issues but it’s to soon to know if thats helping or not yet.
Last week I developed a petechial rash across my face and on my upper arms so the out of hours gp did blood tests and found that my liver isnt functioning properly again and that my blood isn’t coagulating correctly. But no explanations to the rash. And when I spoke to my GP the following day, they focused on my breathing issues and nothing has been followed up about my blood or liver. But knowing my liver function is out does explain some of my recent fatigue and my weight struggles, although I still have no explanation to my unbearable joint pain.
So all in all, I’m still frustrated. And I don’t think people really understand. I’m struggling to maintain my training and I’m not sure if forcing myself to is causing damage.
And the Graves rage is in full swing again.
Up until last year if anyone had tried to describe ‘Graves’ Rage’ to me, I’d have thought they were making up a bullshit excuse to act like a complete twunt, but it’s the hardest part of it all. Its like a switch goes off in my brain and despite knowing it’s happening, I can’t do anything to stop it. And the rage completely undermines the points I’m trying to get across and that frustrates me even more. I know that the reasons I’m upset or pissed off is rational but the delivery of explaining it isn’t. And I don’t think people can understand it that don’t experience it but I’ll try to explain.
It’s a physiological condition that feels like you have to much adrenaline combined with anger and angst all at the same time. It’s an overload of feelings and emotions and despite knowing the implications of saying the things you’re saying, you can’t control yourself saying them, because you just want people to understand the severity of the hurt and upset you’re feeling so you’re willing to just deal with any consequences later. And the whole time you’re overwhelmed with a sense of guilt, knowing that your behaviour isn’t normal. But also angry because if the other person hadn’t said or done what that had in the first place, then you wouldn’t be feeling like you do, and frustration because they are completely ignoring why you’re upset because of the way you’re expressing it. It sometimes borders on psychosis because for a brief period you believe your reaction is representative and warranted, when the reality is you should be a little pissed off or mildly upset but you can’t stop yourself from boiling over. I feel like I need to escape when it’s happening to me and at times I’ve been concerned at what I’ve been willing to do to get that escape. Luckily it doesn’t happen to frequently, but it is there and it’s difficult to manage.
Hoping things calm down a bit over the next few months and I’m gonna try a few natural supplements and see if they can help with any of it and I’ll keep you posted if they do, I’m hoping the do because the next step for me is to try and anti-inflammatory diet. And that involves giving up everything I enjoy so I will avoid that idea if I can.
AerialEmma 