It’s been a pretty pants start to the week and I’m struggling to stay motivated with training.
I’m still having a lot of symptoms of my thyroid being under active but I’m not totally convinced it is yet as my heart rate has gone back to being about normal.
I’m a little bit irrational and that side of things seem to be getting worse each day. I’m trying to acknowledge that it’s me and people aren’t doing anything drastic to piss me off on purpose, but it doesn’t always work. I seem to be losing it at least once a day, usually with Sean. So I am hoping my thyroid is out of whack again because if not then I’ve become an intolerant dickhead for no reason.
On top of the irritability I’m putting on weight again but my diet over the weekend was pretty shit, so I’m trying not to stress about it to much yet unless it keeps going up now I’m back on my eating plan. I say I’m trying not to stress about it, the trying part isn’t really working and I’m getting angry and depressed every time I look at the scales. I’m working my ass off training, I can live with maintaining the same weight even though I should be losing it, but putting weight on despite my effort makes me want to give up!!!!
My weight training plan changed last week to as I’m now into phase two of ‘Thinner, Leaner, Stronger‘ by Mike Matthews and I’m doing quite a few new exercises. And I’m feeling it! But my recovery seems to be slower than normal this week. And my shoulders are still in agony from my Friday workout! And that isn’t helping my motivation either.
My endocrinologist still hasn’t called me back despite me speaking to his secretary three times last week and being assured he would but luckily the GP agreed for me to have another blood test to check what’s going on with my thyroid and I’m currently awaiting the results.
I feel like a pain, especially as my thyroid function could still be in range and everything could be in my head or down to something else entirely. So I am feeling extremely anxious about getting the results despite having fought to get in done for the whole of last week. I don’t want to waste people’s time and if my blood tests come back normal then I’ll feel like I have been. Although I shouldn’t have to feel like I do now and if my thyroid function is in range then something else isn’t and that needs to be identified. But I think now I’ve been diagnosed with Graves’ everything will be blamed on that and other things won’t be investigated.
To top it all off my car broke. It wouldn’t start on Sunday morning so it is currently in the garage. Most of the time it’s actually used by my middle daughter Lorna rather than me but only having one car between us means a lot of running around for me and Sean. So we all lose some of our relaxing time. For example, normally on a Monday Lorna uses my car to work 9am-6pm. Sean and I use his car for our morning work, we come home for 12.30pm. Then Sean uses his car to get to work at 4pm. And I use my car to drive into work for 7.30pm and 4-7pm on Monday is my time for playing with Oliver and getting a pole session in. This week I had to use Sean’s car in the evening to drive him to work for 4, go back to pick Lorna up at 6 and then drive into work for my class at 7.30pm, so very little time to actually do anything between each journey and Oliver got really fed up with getting in and out the car and I missed my play time with him. The next few days without my car will be a bit easier as me and Sean work the same hours but it’s still inconvenient. I know deep down it’s not a big issue and we are lucky to have two cars so nothing has to stop. But when I’m already feeling shit, it’s something I could do without. Especially when I know it’s probably not going to be a cheap fix and I have trust issues with garages.
I did myself a tan on Sunday night and I’ve bought myself a hair dye to try and make myself feel a bit more human and to hopefully hide my dry brittle hair. I haven’t got around to doing the hair dye yet and I’m a bit paranoid it will make my hair fall out faster and at the minute it is already coming out in clumps. My sister has made me a concoction of nettle, rosemary and sage that might help with my hair loss but I’ve only had a chance to try it once as it needs leaving on for a while. But I’m determined to find the time to use it a few times this week.
So I’m sulking and stressy and fed up. I don’t mean to be. I know overall my life’s still pretty good and that the little issues with the car and my hair are nothing compared to what some people have to deal with. But I am fed up with constantly having to fight to be listened to. I shouldn’t have to be worrying about my blood tests being normal, because I know something isn’t right with me. I’m falling asleep during ten minute car journeys. I’m so cold that I wear two pairs of trousers, a t-shirt, jumper, two dressing gowns, hat and gloves to walk to dog and quite often keep the extra layer of leggings or jeans on when I get home because I just can’t warm up. My skin is so dry it’s painful in places. And my hair is awful. It’s dry, brittle and coming out in clumps. I shouldn’t feel like I’m wasting doctors time trying to get answers but I do and I worry everyone’s getting fed up with hearing me complain, which is why I’m doing it on here instead of constantly moaning to people during normal conversations.